Top 5 Christmas Jumpers

Christmas and extremely ugly Christmas jumpers are a match made in heaven: every December spells the beginnings of an arms race to create the tackiest Christmas apparel that year, and every year, these five horrifying examples are going to take the cake.

5: The self-wrap:

Give your loved ones the best gift they’ll ever get: you. This is by far the easiest jumper to execute, requiring no sewing skills and only some safety pins, scissors, a gift ribbon, a gift bow, a gift-tag, and a plain sweater.

Method:

Cut two lengths of gift ribbon, one long enough to go all around you (with some length spare for a knot), and one long enough to go from your neckline down to your waist. Take the longer ribbon, tuck one end of it down your neckline, and secure it with a safety pin from the inside. Then, drape it all the way down and secure it again with another safety pin. Once you have done that, taking the width ribbon, tie it around your upper torso, so as to have both ends of the ribbon in front of you. Hoop a gift tag through the ribbon before securing the ribbon with a knot. Finally, take a gift bow and glue it over the top of the ribbon knot, completing the look.

4: The Christmas tree:

For this design, you will need a thickly woven sweater. Exploit the gaps in the sweater by hanging Christmas ornaments, like baubles and candy canes, tying them off with loops to secure them. If you want an extra tacky look, you can hot glue jingle bells to your neckline and glue tinsel to your waist and sleeves, turning you into a truly feared Christmas fanatic.

3: The massive stocking:

This design turns you into a walking, talking snack dispenser. It requires a basic understanding of sewing, but it yields a more rewarding result in turn. For this design, you will need two thick stocking-shaped pieces of cloth, a sewing machine, some Christmas-themes patches, and a thread and needle. Stitch the stocking-shaped cloths together, stitch on the patches, and finally secure the ensemble with thread and safety pins! For extra points, stuff some candy down the stocking and become a valuable party centerpiece.

2: The light show:

With a battery-powered Christmas light set (sporting thick, conical lights) and a snazzy Christmas sweater, you can dazzle everyone at the next Christmas function. To accomplish this, first drape the lights inside your sweater, so that the battery pack sticks out just enough to be able to sneak into your pocket. Then, push the lights out through the sweater one by one, using a gentle, twisting motion. Try to lay the lights out in a zigzag pattern, which should ensure the lights look evenly distributed. If your sweater sports a design, like a Christmas tree, you can use it to your advantage.

1: The patterned deer:

Although simple, this design is striking and unique, letting you stand out from a tacky crowd. For this design you will need two pieces of large, non-matching patterned cloth, two large pieces of tracing paper, some drawing pins, scissors, and some thread and needle. Use the tracing paper to trace a nice outline of a deer head on one piece, and a set of antlers on the other. Then, secure the paper to the cloth with drawing pins, cut the outlines out, and sew them to your sweater. If you wish, add a pom-pom to the reindeer’s nose, creating a minimalistic, modern design.